FOLLOWING the Christmas Lights switch on (and the subsequent grumblings on social media), I’d say St Helens needs to ban Christmas and hold an annual celebration dedicated to Saint Victor, the patron Saint of moaners. 


Everyone can gather together around a burning Christmas tree. As soon as the fire dies away people can eat cold mash and sprouts, washed down by a pint of vinegar. 


Then an all night festive moan-a-thon can take place where everyone shares their stories about bin collections and pot holes.


Paul McNulty, via Facebook